We’re so starved of basic acts of kindness that our lifestyle is a simulation of it

Image by Karen Arnold via publicdomainpictures

It’s no secret that the phrase “if you do something well don’t do it for free” has spread like a rat infestation. The truth is, most people would bid 1p for a single sock on Ebay just through the addiction of chasing a net win.

It doesn’t just apply to money, how many cups of tea would Brits drink if it wasn’t done in rounds. Everyone buys a round of drinks at some point in the night, everyone brews a row of cuppas at some point, everyone buys gifts for each others birthday.

So why the palaver? Why not just pour your own pints, make your own teas and just say no presents to your family. Sure, it makes sense for only one person to suffer the graft each time, but really it’s because the sound of a cup, glass or wrapper being plonked in front of you is a rare and treasured thing. It isn’t really a gift, it’s all just coming back around, but it certainly feels like one.

Honesty time, we’re all very proud eaters in the UK now. We used to laugh at Americans but let’s face it, we consume a lot of food. Onto the point, in your heart of hearts, can you honestly say that the kebab shop pizza you had last week was a spectacular, premium indulgence of the senses. Was it lightyears ahead of the thick crust ASDA ‘build your own’ that you had a fortnight ago, and unquestionably a pizza that was worth 4x more? Yes? Sigh…

I would do a survey but I already know the answers (put it on my memorial plaque please). Most people choose the takeaway for the convenience, and the tiniest margin of difference in portion size. Okay fine, it tastes a bit better. However, if someone told you they were going to pay you £8 to sit next to an oven on your phone and cut up a pizza, you’d quit university and start a business around it.

The question is different but the answer is the same, we adore being handed stuff we’re about to enjoy. You don’t have to admit it, I can see some of you will never budge, but how many people reading this order stuff online rather than in store just for the feeling of getting something handed to you?

Okay… I can see there are some people that STILL think the value of convenience is comparable to the value of restaurant food. I will not endeavour trying mine away at your granite-tough skin. All I know is I switched from comforting cups of tea to black coffee at university when I realised no one was going to make them for me, and that caffeine was a tool I could abuse rather than love.

If your own emotions are impermeable and you are unable to relate, make your parents/partner a hot drink unannounced, and watch their face. Yep, I did tell you…